In this discussion thread, I’m curious to hear from other men about their experiences and feelings related to using donor eggs in the journey towards parenthood. Whether you have personal experiences to share, questions to ask, or insights to offer, feel free to join in and share your perspectives openly. Let’s create a supportive space where we can engage in open and honest conversations about this significant aspect of fertility treatment. Your stories and viewpoints are valuable, and I’m looking forward to learning from each other’s experiences.
Do you think you would consider having a child using your wife’s eggs and another person’s sperm? My spouse and I are currently pursuing this option. Despite the genetic origins, the child will still be ours. Adoption would be our next step if this doesn’t work out, where there would be no genetic connection. 50% genetic relation is better than none at all.
My husband and I are using donor sperm and my eggs due to a genetic disorder he has, as we want a child that is still partially genetically ours. It was a tough decision, but we preferred this option over adopting, which can be just as costly. I really want to give birth to our child, so this was our best choice. Regardless of our child’s genetic makeup, he will be the father and that’s what matters. If you choose this path, she will still be the mother and the baby will still be genetically related to their family.
so don’t worry about genetics. Trust your love and connection with your child.
My child, conceived through IVF with my genetics, not my wife’s, has brought us even closer as a family. Genetics don’t define family, and our child is very much both of ours. The donor is a friend, not a parent. It’s all about parenting together with love and support.
When your wife carries the baby, it is nourished and influenced by her preferences, emotions, and even her physical characteristics. This makes the baby uniquely hers, as it develops inside her womb. It is truly amazing how much of her is passed on to the growing baby.
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Prior to exploring the option of donor eggs, make sure you are making decisions rationally and not solely based on emotions or setbacks.
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Once the egg quality concerns are thoroughly evaluated, the decision to use donor eggs should not be viewed with any stigma. Ultimately, it is the values and love you and your partner instill in your child that truly matter, with genetics playing only a minor role.
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Allow yourself time to reflect and consider before making any hasty decisions. Take a step back and don’t rush into any choices.
Every individual has their own valid emotions and perspectives. In our situation, I was initially reluctant but my husband was always supportive of using DE. While they may not be genetically related to me, I view them as my own children and have never felt any differently, which my husband also agrees with.
It’s normal to have feelings about using a donor, but with some learning and reflection, you may come to a decision. Take your time and educate yourself on the implications of using a donor to create a child. Consider joining the “parents of donor conceived children” Facebook group and browsing r/askadcp and r/donorconceived for different perspectives. Reading the book “Three Makes Baby” together can also help facilitate discussions and understanding. Remember, time, understanding, and learning can help alleviate any concerns you may have.
“I value our child being a combination of both of us more than just passing down my genetics.”
It’s incredible that she is contemplating this, she would make a great wife. I know couples where wives wouldn’t even consider it, and to be honest, I don’t think I could either. You’ll be okay and the baby will be a wonderful addition. IVF is challenging, I’m currently going through it. Give her understanding and support as she follows her heart in considering an egg donor.
Our first FET was unsuccessful, but we are preparing for the next one. We are in a similar situation, but my partner is older with few eggs. Using donor eggs is not ideal, but we found a donor who resembles her. This may help avoid questions about genetic differences. Knowing that my partner will carry and give birth to our child brings me comfort. She will be the mother from the very beginning. No one deserves a baby more than her.
I apologize for not being a man. Your emotions are important. My partner and I decided to try IVF after a miscarriage, but ultimately chose to pursue adoption from foster care. We are happy with our decision and are open to fostering and adopting more children. It may be worth considering fertility therapy. Remember that your feelings are valid.
My husband supported the idea from the beginning. I went to therapy to process it and my son, who is donor conceived, is amazing and it’s not something I think about daily. I have started preparing ways to talk to him about it. I found donor-conceived groups to be unhelpful and hope you find your own path without focusing too much on them.
My wife is 23 weeks pregnant with a donor egg after facing infertility for 7 years. We opted for donor eggs with my sperm after 3 failed rounds of IVF. Despite the initial sadness of not having my wife’s genes, we are excited for our baby girl. The donor resembles my wife, but we have no emotional connection to them. We are enjoying the pregnancy and are grateful to have 4 frozen embryos remaining for potential biological siblings. This journey has brought us closer together as a couple.
When my first IVF attempt failed, my husband and I had a similar conversation. The physical and emotional toll of the process, including hormone mood swings, was difficult for me. Despite suggesting donor eggs, we decided to try using my own eggs because my husband wanted a genetic connection. Looking back, I wish we had chosen donor eggs sooner as it would have been less expensive and quicker. The high hormone doses took a toll on my body during multiple rounds of IVF. Another regret is not realizing sooner that we could have chosen a less anonymous donor. Every day, we tell our baby how grateful we are for her and all those who helped us, including our egg donor.
I am a woman who is happily married to a man and we have chosen to remain childfree after exploring options like IUIs and IVF. We decided not to pursue donor eggs as the next step and have embraced a childfree life. We believe that genetics do not define family and were not concerned with leaving a “legacy.” If we were to have a child, we wanted it to be a combination of both of us. Your feelings are valid and it is important to make decisions together as a couple.
I understand your feelings completely. As a woman, I share your hesitation about using donor sperm. I carefully chose my partner and want to see his traits in our child, so I wouldn’t want to use a stranger’s sperm. If we ever considered using a donor, I would want to select one with the same care as I chose my partner. It’s normal to have concerns about using a donor, whether it’s sperm or egg. You have the right to feel uneasy about it. If this is a possibility for you, you can benefit from the advice shared by others. Ultimately, it’s okay to decide that using donor eggs is not for you.
My husband and I are currently undergoing IVF for Male Factor Infertility (MFI) and the possibility of using donated sperm has been discussed. I can relate to your emotions, but ultimately, if it meant the choice between using donated sperm or not having a baby at all, we would likely overcome our reservations. I also believe that genetics don’t define what makes a family.
Our only options were using donor sperm or adopting, as chemotherapy and radiation treatment from 1998 cannot be undone. I believe the outcome would have been the same either way.